Porch #172 * Stuck in a perplexing quandary? I'll listen.

Here comes the renewed monthly Dear Linda feature

PORCH. It’s a gathering place. Think open house + small group + your BFF + book club + a listening ear + TGIF all coming together to cultivate a Christ-centered, cozy, welcoming community.

Friends, I’m back and so glad to get together with you once more.

I had no idea how long I’d be away and I guess I’m reappearing sooner than I thought. But when I woke up this morning, pushed open the shades, and saw the rain tumbling down, it seemed like the perfect day to grab the laptop, crawl back into bed, and get back to work.

And while this weekend’s edition of PORCH returns to your inbox, we’ve also begun readying our real life porch for springtime’s slow but steady debut. The three season space we added to the back of the house seven years ago has begun her annual morph from a frigid wintertime catch-all and storage unit into my most beloved room of our home.

As I drag the plants back out there, dust off the window sills, and begin rearranging the furniture, it seems rather serendipitous to be doing the same thing with PORCH right here … and adding something new. Or rather something old dusting herself off and making a re-debut.

It’s called Dear Linda and this new monthly PORCH feature is back again after a six year hiatus. Let’s see if she flies … and if not, we’ll just let her go.

HOW WE WORK IS THIS:

• Hit reply to any Grace & Space email that arrives in your inbox. You’ll need to be a subscriber to participate. Please do not ask Dear Linda questions in the comment section.

• Ask your question about relationship challenges, social media stuff, ministry leadership, homekeeping quandaries, healthy living issues.

• Once a month, I’ll choose one or two questions to respond to right here on PORCH. You will remain completely anonymous. I promise to listen well to your heart and attempt to offer you some encouraging insight ... or maybe a bit of straight talk. Please note I can not promise your question will be featured and am not able to respond via email.
  

• Keep in mind that I'm a retired board certified pastoral counselor and mental health coach. I am NOT a licensed mental health practitioner or a doctor, lawyer, magician, biblical scholar, or miracle worker. Please contact your physician for your mental health needs or dial 911 if you are in crisis.

• The Wellness Resources page is always up and running with all kinds of names and numbers, websites and workbooks. You just might find what you’re looking for there.

Dear Linda,

I have been a Christian for most of my life and believe that God answers prayer, even if the answer is not what I want.

My daughter has been estranged from our family for over 5 years. We have not seen her or heard from her. I have prayed for her and for our broken relationship to be repaired. I ask God to help me accept the situation and give me His peace, but it hasn't happened.

Am I praying the wrong way?

Heartbroken

💔

Dear Heartbroken ~

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I assure you that there is no wrong way to pray, that God hears our hearts even when our cries are wordless. Jesus knew the pain of broken relationships. He grieves with you. Yes, He does.

There is so little to say that wouldn't sound trite or simplistic in the face of your daughter's choice to walk away. A few thoughts that may offer you some comfort ...

> an unmailed letter
Sometimes writing a letter to the one who has caused such pain can be a huge release. Find yourself a stack of paper, a quiet place, a big box of tissues, and give yourself a good chunk of time.

Share your happiest memories and spell out all the reasons you love her. Talk about the dreams you had for your future as a family. Confess any mistakes you've made and ask her for forgiveness.

And then write about all the ways she has hurt you and your family by her choices. Spell it out in detail. Let it fly. Uncensored. All of it.

And then the hard part.

Tell her that you're sick and tired of the grief and are done trying to understand or fix or even accept the situation. And that you're releasing her into God's care.

This is excruciating. But it also can be very freeing.

Don't mail this. Have a little burning ceremony outside or put it through the shredder as a love offering to God. If it would help, invite an empathetic friend to be there with you for support. And then go and do something good for yourself.

> the prayer that never fails
In Jan Karon's delightful fictional Mitford series, Father Tim often prays the prayer that never fails, 'Thy will be done.' Prayed with hands lifted high, these four words of Jesus are truly freeing, because we release our expectations and hopes and grief up to Him and allow Him to do what He does best ... be the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

> a quick release
Every time your daughter wanders through your heart or crosses your mind, choose to show yourself grace and release her immediately back up to God. Refuse to allow endless scenarios to play in your mind. Refuse to beat yourself up with regrets and woulda / coulda / shouldas.

Like Abraham, you're laying your Isaac on the altar (Genesis 22:1-14). This, your living sacrifice, might be the hardest task you'll ever face. You might never know why you've had to live with such heartache. But somehow, by His unyielding grace, His presence can be enough. He promises that His power is made perfect in your weakness.

And when we are weak and grieving and weary, He is strong (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

> discovering the invitation
God is always inviting us to something deeper, stronger, more substantial. 'What are You inviting me to in the middle of this, Lord?' is a continued prayer that just might begin to turn the corner for you.

Prayerfully,
Linda

if Dear Linda seems like it might be a helpful format for dealing with perplexing issues, click on that little 🤍 below

🔗 Paula . Joanne . Andrew . Joanne