'If you are not able to sit with your own painful emotions, you will likely dispense dismissive advice & religious cliches to others when they are in pain.'
I try my best to listen to others with compassion and patience in the same way I would like to be listened to. I've so needed that kind of listening lately, Linda. We're returning to church tomorrow after all these troubles. I know I can count on some wonderful listeners there. Blessings!
Oh I'm guessing you guys are going to soak in all the lovingkindness of your church family this morning. They will be so excited to have you back again.
I pray to be the kind of listener Adam describes, offering more silence than advice, more compassion than dismissiveness. Thank you Linda for sharing these nuggets of wisdom from each chapter.
"...with no other agenda than to love and to listen..." Yes, Jesus, fill us with Your grace to be like You! Thank you, Linda, for more of Adam's sound advice and for your gift to love and listen and not judge and preach. Love and hugs and blessings to you, my friend!
Linda, as I was reading through this book, a thought came to me. This would make a great recommended or additional supplemental reading for a collage class or a client seeking counseling.
I'm so happy you picked this for us. I gleaned much.
In chapter 8 Adam talks about listening to your life. He gives interesting perspective about how to do so. I never really thaught about listening to my life like that. I like what he says about loving your enemy voices, giving them permission to speak, sit with them, some of these voices have something to teach us.
I found the section on discerning the voices thought inducing. And I really liked how he named his inner voices. That's a great idea.
We often brush aside the hard, uncomfortable wrestlings. But maybe that's where we most fully encounter God, where He has our complete, undivided attention.
This jumped out at me Adam says " Your role as a listener is, by all means, to let them cry that it's over... Be a witness to their tears. Each falling tear carries pain, and it's the only way to get it out... It's your job to get soaked with them." (P.161)
I hope I always remember that, because it's so true. It's what I'd hope someome would do for me.
I just loved this book! So much to learn here. I’ll choose to comment on the quote on pg.198 by Rilke. “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart….” Such sound counsel as we listen to ourselves and to others. I vote yes for more book clubs if you’re up for them!
Ch. 9 - The Society of Reverse Listening poses a very interesting question. Does the author explain what it would like for a church to be a listening community?
Adam talks about 'listening in' - "a church that set up 'listening posts' - opportunities for church member's to share hopes and frustrations with the leadership, with listening as the 'end in itself,' showing 'openness, humility, and a submission to the Holy Spirit.''
'Listening for unity' - "When the New Testament speaks of unity, the vast majority of the time it does not speak of perfect doctrinal agreement. It speaks of love."
'Listening out' -"'The most effective Christian communities have their ears to the ground, listening to the movements of the surrounding culture. After all, in order to be able to love our neighbors, we have to know who they are.'" (Scot McKnight quote)
The part that jumped out at me was in Chapter 8 :... you will be unable to show compassion to others when they risk sharing with you." The book is about listening, but here, the word is RISK. I don't usually take the time to think about what the person who is sharing is "risking" by sharing with us. Just using that word means it isn't easy for them and they are putting part of themselves on the line by sharing with us. It opens them up to our response and how we react to what they are share. I will have to be more aware of that in the future!
I sure do want to be an “avid listener,” and this book always serves me as an arrow pointing to my preoccupation with doing and discomfort with big feelings.
Hey, Linda. Thanks bunches for sharing The Listening Life Book Club #3 with Sweet Tea & Friends this month sweet friend.
xo
It's been a good run ...
This book sounds so encouraging, Linda! Thanks for the recommendation and the insights.
My pleasure ...
I love that Jesus came with grace and truth. I shiver when people wield "truth" as if a judge declaring the law.
I shiver with you, Debbie.
I try my best to listen to others with compassion and patience in the same way I would like to be listened to. I've so needed that kind of listening lately, Linda. We're returning to church tomorrow after all these troubles. I know I can count on some wonderful listeners there. Blessings!
Oh I'm guessing you guys are going to soak in all the lovingkindness of your church family this morning. They will be so excited to have you back again.
I pray to be the kind of listener Adam describes, offering more silence than advice, more compassion than dismissiveness. Thank you Linda for sharing these nuggets of wisdom from each chapter.
You've reminded us of the key to any kind of significant life change, Nancy. Prayer.
Thank You, Jesus.
"...with no other agenda than to love and to listen..." Yes, Jesus, fill us with Your grace to be like You! Thank you, Linda, for more of Adam's sound advice and for your gift to love and listen and not judge and preach. Love and hugs and blessings to you, my friend!
There may be a time to judge and preach but we'll let the One who judges justly decide on those logistics!
Linda, as I was reading through this book, a thought came to me. This would make a great recommended or additional supplemental reading for a collage class or a client seeking counseling.
I'm so happy you picked this for us. I gleaned much.
You're absolutely spot on.
In chapter 8 Adam talks about listening to your life. He gives interesting perspective about how to do so. I never really thaught about listening to my life like that. I like what he says about loving your enemy voices, giving them permission to speak, sit with them, some of these voices have something to teach us.
I found the section on discerning the voices thought inducing. And I really liked how he named his inner voices. That's a great idea.
We often brush aside the hard, uncomfortable wrestlings. But maybe that's where we most fully encounter God, where He has our complete, undivided attention.
This jumped out at me Adam says " Your role as a listener is, by all means, to let them cry that it's over... Be a witness to their tears. Each falling tear carries pain, and it's the only way to get it out... It's your job to get soaked with them." (P.161)
I hope I always remember that, because it's so true. It's what I'd hope someome would do for me.
'It's your job to get soaked with them.'
Um, wow. Preach it.
I just loved this book! So much to learn here. I’ll choose to comment on the quote on pg.198 by Rilke. “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart….” Such sound counsel as we listen to ourselves and to others. I vote yes for more book clubs if you’re up for them!
Don't you just love that quiet invitation of grace toward ourselves?! We can be our own harshest taskmasters, sadly.
Ch. 9 - The Society of Reverse Listening poses a very interesting question. Does the author explain what it would like for a church to be a listening community?
I'm up in the Adirondack mountains right now (without my book) but after I get home I'll check it out and get back to you, Mary, ok?!
Adam talks about 'listening in' - "a church that set up 'listening posts' - opportunities for church member's to share hopes and frustrations with the leadership, with listening as the 'end in itself,' showing 'openness, humility, and a submission to the Holy Spirit.''
'Listening for unity' - "When the New Testament speaks of unity, the vast majority of the time it does not speak of perfect doctrinal agreement. It speaks of love."
'Listening out' -"'The most effective Christian communities have their ears to the ground, listening to the movements of the surrounding culture. After all, in order to be able to love our neighbors, we have to know who they are.'" (Scot McKnight quote)
(pages 205-209)
I don't have painful emotions,
mine are really ordinary,
and I take 'em through the motions
'cause I had a coronary
just past noon on yesterday,
Jumbo sitting on my chest,
big-ass pachyderm at play,
pausing there to take a rest.
Could not really draw a breath,
but it's better now, I guess,
one more time for cheating death,
though this really is a mess,
heart attack and cancer too,
but still I live, WOO HOO!
Trusting that this Sabbath is finding you on the mend, ol' friend. You just can't keep a good man down. Rest quietly in His tender care.
Resting quietly, though wildly unfamiliar, is about all I can manage!
Yeah, I can imagine.
The part that jumped out at me was in Chapter 8 :... you will be unable to show compassion to others when they risk sharing with you." The book is about listening, but here, the word is RISK. I don't usually take the time to think about what the person who is sharing is "risking" by sharing with us. Just using that word means it isn't easy for them and they are putting part of themselves on the line by sharing with us. It opens them up to our response and how we react to what they are share. I will have to be more aware of that in the future!
That stood out to me too, Marilyn. I paused to read that section more slowly and I want to be more aware of too.
I sure do want to be an “avid listener,” and this book always serves me as an arrow pointing to my preoccupation with doing and discomfort with big feelings.
Thanks for your good work on this project!
Oh my. You hit the nail on the head, Michele -->'my preoccupation with doing and discomfort with big feelings'
A whole lotta readers are shaking their heads, 'yes, yes' ...
Thank you for the summaries. They tell us a lot! Also, thanks for your visits!
Happy weekend, friend!
I can recommend 'The Grandparenting Effect' by Trevecca Ockholm.
All us grandparents are jotting this title down even as we speak, Hayley. We can all use all the help we can get ...
It is a beautiful book which emphasises the importance of sharing our stories.