Porch #175 🐹 Dear Linda

In this month's edition of Dear Linda, Exhausted Grammie wants help in managing this hamster wheel season she finds herself in ...

Photo by Nils Schirmer on Unsplash

Dear Linda,

I am reaching out to ask for advice to manage the hamster wheel that I feel like I am currently on! I am stuck right in the middle of the classic sandwich of caring for grandchildren, helping a grieving, elderly mother, and dealing with my own grief of losing my father, mother-in-law, and a very dear friend, all within three weeks of each other! All of this leaves me feeling exhausted, angry, resentful … so many big feelings!

I just need a refresh … Any suggestions of books/podcasts, anything at all to offer some advice for this time in my life. I know it’s not unusual, and I know a lot of people have gone through the same things, so I am hoping for a little bit of direction of how to handle all these confusing emotions that keep flying around in my head!

I read your posts and articles often, and I’ve always felt very comforted. I so appreciate the direction that you thoughtfully offer to all of your readers.

Thank you, Linda. Blessings to you.

Sincerely,
Exhausted Grammie

🐹

Dearest Grammie,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your father, mother-in-law, and your dear friend in such an incredibly short period of time. Absolutely, this is an immense, complex season of grief for you. You could hardly grasp that one loved one had passed away before the next loss hit. This truly is a life-altering chain of events that certainly impacts you and those you love and want to care for.

Your big feelings make a whole lot of sense - the exhaustion, the anger (hurt, frustration, fear), the resentment. Please don’t spend time beating yourself up over these expected, natural emotions. It’s good to honor them and hold them gently ... emotions are often sending us some kind of message that deserves our thoughtful attention.

Before a plane takes off, the flight attendant always reminds us that in the event of a loss of cabin pressure, we need to put on our own oxygen mask before we try to help others with theirs.

And, no, try as we can, we can’t give any kind of ongoing, life-giving sustenance if our own wells are empty. We can only offer others what we have been given. Getting through these hard seasons requires us to take care of ourselves first, so we can better serve others. God can help us make choices to gently tend to our wounded souls with lovingkindness, and in that process, He gives us a renewed, authentic love to share with others.

Jesus declared, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’
- Matthew 22:37-39

A few thoughts to help you clarify your next steps:

• What habits or practices have proven to refresh your body, mind, and spirit in the past?
  

• What did you enjoy doing as a little girl?
  

• What resources (other family members, friends, your church, your community) are available to offer a layer or two of help in caring for your mother and your grandchildren?
  

• Journaling can offer you an opportunity to unpack the myriad of thoughts and emotions that are all swirling around in your brain. I highly recommend Spiritual First Aid’s FREE 7 day faith-based journal to help you understand and navigate this hard season.

Some musings from my own grief journey:
Grieving Well (with resources)

3 Grief Memoirs to Read (especially if you aren’t the griever)

Sorrow is a Nebulous & Elusive Companion

A Journey Through Grief

A Prayer for Those Who Grieve

Thank you for sharing your story, Grammie. I can’t help but believe that because you’ve vulnerably chosen to share your heartache, many others will be encouraged in their own unique grief journey.

The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make His face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn His face toward you
and give you peace.
- Numbers 6:24-26

By His Grace,
Linda

Dear Kind Readers - Grammie has asked for books and podcasts that might be helpful in her grief. But even more than that, let’s just give her some of that sweet ol’ Grace & Space support (not advice!) that this little community’s become known for.

Dear Linda appears in the last edition of PORCH each month.

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The Wellness Resources page is always up and running with all kinds of names and numbers, websites and workbooks. You just might find what you’re looking for there.

🐹

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