Porch #179 🌦️ 'I am so overwhelmed ...'

In this month's edition of Dear Linda, a caregiver wants to empower her depressed sister.

Apr 24, 2025

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late afternoon’s gentle breezes are flowing through the porch’s open windows so you may hear birds chirping or clanging windchimes or rush hour traffic in the distance

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Dear Linda ~

I am navigating through new waters. My sister is depressed and really struggles with negative thinking. When she continues to repeat 'I can't' or 'I don't think things will ever be better,' I am so overwhelmed.

What is a helpful way for me to respond? I don't want to negate her feelings, but I do want to help her not be stuck in them and powerless to move through the day.

~ Overwhelmed in New York

Dear Overwhelmed ~

Few things in life can be more challenging than loving someone who is depressed. It's hard to faithfully care for a soul who has lost all sense of hope without ending up feeling hopeless and depleted ourselves.

We're not talking about the occasional blues here. Depression is a complex medical condition that has strong emotional /physical / spiritual / mental health components. It often descends gradually, can be associated with a number of other illnesses or hormonal imbalances, and may also be a side effect of certain medications.

Depression is often accompanied by unresolved anger turned inward ... or anxiety. It's a terrifying place to find oneself.

Anger's all about hurt, frustration, fear, or being disrespected. When these very real pain-filled emotions are continually shoved deep inside and left untended, depression can often end up making its way to the forefront.

I know. I've been there, done that. Since my own redemptive healing, I worked with countless women who do battle with this insidious disease. And yes, with proper ongoing medical care and supportive long term counsel, most go on to live amazing, productive lives. Here’s a few keys to help you walk alongside her with compassionate, purposeful, discernment -

🗝️ Be a safe place for her to fall.
Offer her your faithful, reassuring presence. Sometimes just being gently present and sitting quietly can be a soothing gift. Hearing and validating her deep pain lets her know that she's not alone. Simple responses like, 'yes, I hear you,' can be a great life-giving comfort.

🗝️ Forget about pat answers, trying to talk her out of her feelings, or attempting to fix the situation.
Few things are more deeply frustrating to the depressed soul. This is a dark, complex valley to journey through. There are no easy answers. Hope is what she yearns for, yet we need to be discerning with what we say.

If the caregiver persists in trying to utilize these three futile no-nos, the ill one is likely to get far worse before she gets better. And her resentment of your attempts will be yet one more burden that she, and you, have to bear.

🗝️ Discover what would encourage her, empower her, or give her a sense of peace.
Ask simple questions like 'what can I do for you today?' or 'what one thing would make you feel just a bit better?' This allows her to verbalize what she needs and can be a step toward empowering her to pursue healing.

🗝️ Help her pull together a healing team.
With her permission and input, work together to create a supportive healing team. Only a medical doctor can give a clear diagnosis and be the one to work out a medication plan that will move her ahead. A trained counselor can help her unpack her pain and teach her to learn new ways to respond to life's challenges. A few friends that truly get it, that will go the long haul, can be life-savers. A pastor with a tender heart? A massage therapist? A nutritionist? A support group? A creative outlet like art or pet therapy? Whatever sounds user-friendly to her.

🗝️ Be discerning when using Scripture or prayer.
Sadly, there are Christians who believe that depression is simply a spiritual issue or that there is always unconfessed sin that must be ferreted out. This kind of thinking is unrealistic and destructive and does nothing but heap guilt and shame on the one who is already suffering greatly. Advising against medical intervention or the proper use of medication blatantly disregards the serious physical / biochemical components of this disease.

Lobbing verses at a suffering soul is cruel and a mis-use of God's sacred Word. Depression is truly the darkest night of the soul. Be respectful of where she is spiritually and always ask her permission before you share a verse or a prayer.

I’ve encouraged clients to sit with a verse or two of the Psalms when they are willing and able. David experienced depression and yet he clung to God for life and worshipped Him wholeheartedly. Knowing that even 'a man after God's own heart' experienced the lowest of the lows can be a beautiful, healing solace.

🗝️ ALWAYS pay attention if there's any talk of suicide.
Taking action is always the best choice. CLICK HERE for the questions to ask, the warning signs to look for, and when to make the call for help.

🗝️ Stay healthy yourself.
Beware of becoming totally immersed in your loved one's pain. Stay active, stay sane, live your life. Getting the sleep you need, staying far away from junk food, exercising, and spending time with people who are healthy and whole are a lifeline. Continually release your burdens to God. And get prayer support from others ... without sharing all the unnecessary details.

You might want to check in with a professional caregiver periodically to be sure that you're not accumulating any of your own emotional baggage as you walk through this most difficult valley.

Prayerfully,
Linda

🗝️ RESOURCES
Mayo Clinic

WebMD

Depression Self-Assessment

My Wellness Resources Page

Dear kind readers, let’s give Overwhelmed in New York some of that sweet ol’ Grace & Space support (not advice!) that this little community’s become known for.

Porch #179 🌦️ 'I am so overwhelmed ...'

In this month's edition of Dear Linda, a caregiver wants to empower her depressed sister.

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