Verbal Caresses
💘 words of consolation & affirmation go a long way in keeping love burning bright
We love because He first loved us
- 1 John 4:19.
We’ve been married 48 years. Today.
I’ve known him for almost 52 years.
Yes. That’s more than half a century.
I can’t even begin to put my hands around this stunning reality as the years relentlessly gallop faster and faster into an unknown future.
That summer of 1972 when we first set eyes on each other doesn’t seem like all that long ago.
But it sure is.
💘
One of the gifts that emerged after a particularly grueling season a few years back were these two short simple phrases, a long craved for empathy that he learned to gently speak out loud when I vulnerably shared from raw places of hurt, fear, frustration, or observing disrespect in action. Â
I know.
or
I'm sorry.
These tender quiet words of love continue to calm and soothe me beyond belief. He’s no ‘yes man’ and while this offering of loving grace doesn’t necessarily mean he agrees (or even understands), they simply let me know I’ve been heard.
I feel validated. Comforted. Known and accepted despite my endless parade of faults, frailties, and the occasional rantings unleashed when stirred up by something seen, heard, or experienced that unleashes some kind of (hopefully but not always) righteous indignation.
I'm not looking to be fixed or corrected, thank you very much. He learned the hard way. He knows that now. The Holy Spirit takes care of that kind of business and He does it well.
💘
My heart melts at my husband's verbal caresses.Â
💘Â
I know they are not his chosen love language. They sometimes don’t come easy. So whenever he steps out of his comfort zone to offer me those sweet words of affirmation or consolation that my soul yearns for, I fall more deeply in love with him.
Over and over again.
Needless to say, more than half a century later we are still most definitely a work in progress, propelled forward each day by the lovingkindness of our Savior Jesus. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m still learning to love lavishly. But the journey’s not over yet.
All we’ve got to do now is figure out his love language and we’ll be good to go.
Happy anniversary, Tim.
Linda 💘
click that little heart below to celebrate with us, friends 😉
I am wishing the two of you success in discovering his love language.
This point connected with me due to the fact that I have had great difficulty in attempting to discern my own love language.
Probably in large part due to my alexithymia. It is extraordinarily difficult for me to connect with my own emotions and other mental machinations, so it’s likely the cause.
However, lately I’ve begun to suspect that my love language might be words of affirmation. I had rejected this idea in the past because of the fact that I have never responded well to words of affirmation in that upon hearing them, I am stunned and it is difficult for me to react in a positive way, or in any way.
But, I have come to consider the idea, that because receiving words of affirmation has been so extremely rare, while being so extremely needed, that my broken brain has no capacity to take it in. It’s like depriving a child of love for too long. At some point it seems like the damage is almost impossible to repair.
I realize it's not April - but happy 48th! I see so much of my husband and I in your need for empathy and the learning how to give grace and encouragement to each other. Maybe it is because we are language people - verbal encouragement is so very important. It was liberating when I realized only God could do the fixing (LOL). What a beautiful place to be in at 48 years!