The part about not passing tissues without asking is such a small but meaningful touch. This feels like a solid framework for real emotional and spiritual growth!
Time and again, cancer has invaded the lives of those closest to us. Yes, it is a painful, lonely, isolating journey. I can't help but applaud any efforts those doing battle are able to take in reaching out to stay connected.
For years you've faithfully done this, Andrew. And if possible, our lives are somehow deeper and richer for it. It doesn't seem fair, but God is able to use our sufferings in ways we'll never know 'til heaven.
Thank you, friend, for doing life with us. You've given us a perspective we've needed to hear.
This is great Linda. Thank you for sharing. What's worked for me when leading a group is having something like this in place. It can feel awkward presenting the guidelines, but they do establish a safe place with respectful boundaries.
What really works for me and others in Celebrate Recovery Open Share Groups is letting everyone know that their sharing is timed (3 or 4 minutes usually and a wonderful harp-sounding alarm gentle reminds) so that no one dominates the sharing time. Letting someone talk endlessly can be one way to destroy any interest in taking part or returning to a group. We do emphasize that chatting with others afterward is welcome. I love guidelines and always pray that God will help in keeping others focused but not for us leaders to be rigid and legalistic about any of the practices for leading group discussions.
Carol, I am SO glad you're here sharing your work with CR. And this, right here - 'Letting someone talk endlessly can be one way to destroy any interest in taking part or returning to a group.'
Over the decades I've been in groups where you can literally see people's eyes glaze over as someone drones on and on and the facilitator sits idly by and allows everyone to be held hostage. Boredom and restlessness set in as trust and freedom to be ourselves slowly seep away.
I appreciate what you're saying about keeping guidelines free from being rigid and legalistic. Good basic boundaries seldom need to be repeated again and again. People are so happy and relieved to rest in the reality that they're in a safe space where they'll be respected and heard.
Can you tell us more about doing your groups online? Since Covid, it's become a viable option ...
We did 2 Step Studies on zoom. I liked it very much cause it was a weekly commitment for over 6 months and I didn’t have to leave my house and puppy every Thursday. We presented one praise song with words and established the guidelines early on and used the workbooks. Since they have specific focus questions,it was rare that anyone rattled on. The leader called on each person when it was their turn. One step study had paricipants that weren’t familiar with 12 step work and the second step study was full of committed ladies who had been at CR groups for over a year. We decided never to do step studies with newbies because it didn’t work and showed little results. The second group developed 13 new leaders…..
Some can handle zoom but there were some who was adamantly opposed.
We even had a couple of Large CR groups with 17 or more in attendance but the Ministry just let it flow which I didn’t find a good idea. The oversharers dominated.
Wow. Thank You, Lord. Talk about fruit. This is so fabulous, Carol. God has used you so powerfully over the years. I don't know anyone as dedicated to this ministry like you've been.
Keep up the fabulous work, dear friend. I love how you've kept the dream alive, vibrant, and growing. Please say 'hi' to my CR friends and give them my best.
God bless you Linda for sharing these wise guidelines you've garnered after years of support-group leadership. Your expertise will now benefit an ever-widening circle of participants around the world!
This is such a helpful list, Linda ... just copied the link and sent it along to a friend who's currently leading a grief support group. Thanks for sharing it!
This is a good list of guidelines. Something that isn't a guideline, but is good for attendees to remember that some people's grief is recent and some people's grief is from the past. Just to recognize there is a difference for someone who has experienced a recent loss.
Marilyn, absolutely. And as people start to share their stories it quickly becomes apparent that an old grief can often be as fresh as a more recent one. Both can be incredibly painful. And the old griefs beg to be respected and tended to because all they do is lend even more heartache to more current losses.
Apart from the fact that this is Christ-oriented vs. otherwise, these are very similar support group suggestions to those we used when I was running support groups for grieving youth (my group was middle-school, grades 6-8 or before age 16. The one we always kept coming back to and reinforced regularly and whenever we had a new member was "What's said n the room stays in the room -- unless, as facilitators we have to share with our supervisors if it regards hurting yourself or hurting others.. You can always talk about yourself but in no way identify anyone else from the group without permission of that person." Your guidelines are excellent and I'm sure those involved in your sessions leave feeling more secure and able to cope with getting through till the next time.
Oh Jeanie, I just love this work you've done in supporting middle school students. More than ever this is such a fragile age, forced to grow up far too soon, exposed to the underbelly of life thanks to the damaging presence of the online world. I'm with you on teaching kids the importance of confidentiality ... this sure is the foundation for them feeling safe and building trust.
Thanks for taking us there this morning. I'm so grateful you've shared your experience.
A very timely post as we enter the dark season and raise awareness in suicide prevention month. Thank you for sharing these wise, guiding principles gleaned from your rich experiences, Linda.
Laura, thank you for your work in suicide prevention. You not only have the skill set but a tremendously sensitive, beautiful heart that allows you to be fully aware and present to those around you. I applaud your work.
Linda, these are wonderful support group guidelines. These are so wise and meaningful.
Thank you so much for sharing with Sweet Tea & Friend's this month.
xo
They keep morphing here and there as I continue learning what people really are needing to feel safe and comfortable.
The part about not passing tissues without asking is such a small but meaningful touch. This feels like a solid framework for real emotional and spiritual growth!
Hugs and blessings, Linda
You're right, Veronica ... it's often those small touches that can make all the difference in someone feeling safe in the company of others.
Nothing throws me for a loop,
I don't cry in the night,
so I need no support group
because I'm quite all right.
I learned quite awhile ago
that pain is my life's wages,
and cancer's helped me learn and grow
through early foolish stages,
and here am I, and here I stand,
Colossus on the faded Earth,
and I smile and raise my hand
to another hurt that gives life worth
and helps me give a brighter tone
to the hell I choose to face alone.
Time and again, cancer has invaded the lives of those closest to us. Yes, it is a painful, lonely, isolating journey. I can't help but applaud any efforts those doing battle are able to take in reaching out to stay connected.
For years you've faithfully done this, Andrew. And if possible, our lives are somehow deeper and richer for it. It doesn't seem fair, but God is able to use our sufferings in ways we'll never know 'til heaven.
Thank you, friend, for doing life with us. You've given us a perspective we've needed to hear.
This is great Linda. Thank you for sharing. What's worked for me when leading a group is having something like this in place. It can feel awkward presenting the guidelines, but they do establish a safe place with respectful boundaries.
You're right, Lynn, some kind of clear parameters become a strong foundation for good group work.
Can you tell us what kind of groups you've led and what you've discovered in the process?
What really works for me and others in Celebrate Recovery Open Share Groups is letting everyone know that their sharing is timed (3 or 4 minutes usually and a wonderful harp-sounding alarm gentle reminds) so that no one dominates the sharing time. Letting someone talk endlessly can be one way to destroy any interest in taking part or returning to a group. We do emphasize that chatting with others afterward is welcome. I love guidelines and always pray that God will help in keeping others focused but not for us leaders to be rigid and legalistic about any of the practices for leading group discussions.
Carol, I am SO glad you're here sharing your work with CR. And this, right here - 'Letting someone talk endlessly can be one way to destroy any interest in taking part or returning to a group.'
Over the decades I've been in groups where you can literally see people's eyes glaze over as someone drones on and on and the facilitator sits idly by and allows everyone to be held hostage. Boredom and restlessness set in as trust and freedom to be ourselves slowly seep away.
I appreciate what you're saying about keeping guidelines free from being rigid and legalistic. Good basic boundaries seldom need to be repeated again and again. People are so happy and relieved to rest in the reality that they're in a safe space where they'll be respected and heard.
Can you tell us more about doing your groups online? Since Covid, it's become a viable option ...
We did 2 Step Studies on zoom. I liked it very much cause it was a weekly commitment for over 6 months and I didn’t have to leave my house and puppy every Thursday. We presented one praise song with words and established the guidelines early on and used the workbooks. Since they have specific focus questions,it was rare that anyone rattled on. The leader called on each person when it was their turn. One step study had paricipants that weren’t familiar with 12 step work and the second step study was full of committed ladies who had been at CR groups for over a year. We decided never to do step studies with newbies because it didn’t work and showed little results. The second group developed 13 new leaders…..
Some can handle zoom but there were some who was adamantly opposed.
We even had a couple of Large CR groups with 17 or more in attendance but the Ministry just let it flow which I didn’t find a good idea. The oversharers dominated.
'The second group developed 13 new leaders…..'
Wow. Thank You, Lord. Talk about fruit. This is so fabulous, Carol. God has used you so powerfully over the years. I don't know anyone as dedicated to this ministry like you've been.
Keep up the fabulous work, dear friend. I love how you've kept the dream alive, vibrant, and growing. Please say 'hi' to my CR friends and give them my best.
ox
https://celebraterecovery.com/
Such wisdom for cultivating healthy groups, Linda. Thank you 🤍
We all learn step by step over time. Experience is a great teacher, isn't she ...
God bless you Linda for sharing these wise guidelines you've garnered after years of support-group leadership. Your expertise will now benefit an ever-widening circle of participants around the world!
And thank you for all the ways you pour thoughtful wisdom into my life, friend.
Aw, thank you, Linda. Praise God for mutual encouragement amongst the sisterhood!
This is so very helpful! I'm so glad you shared! God bless you for all you do.🙏❤😊
Oh I'm glad there's something helpful here, Cheryl. I hope your weekend is relaxing and joyful.
This is such a helpful list, Linda ... just copied the link and sent it along to a friend who's currently leading a grief support group. Thanks for sharing it!
Oh that is so cool, Lauren! Thank YOU.
This is an excellent list of guidelines! Thank you for sharing them.
Kerri, thanks for being here.
This is a good list of guidelines. Something that isn't a guideline, but is good for attendees to remember that some people's grief is recent and some people's grief is from the past. Just to recognize there is a difference for someone who has experienced a recent loss.
Marilyn, absolutely. And as people start to share their stories it quickly becomes apparent that an old grief can often be as fresh as a more recent one. Both can be incredibly painful. And the old griefs beg to be respected and tended to because all they do is lend even more heartache to more current losses.
I'm glad you brought this up. It's important.
Apart from the fact that this is Christ-oriented vs. otherwise, these are very similar support group suggestions to those we used when I was running support groups for grieving youth (my group was middle-school, grades 6-8 or before age 16. The one we always kept coming back to and reinforced regularly and whenever we had a new member was "What's said n the room stays in the room -- unless, as facilitators we have to share with our supervisors if it regards hurting yourself or hurting others.. You can always talk about yourself but in no way identify anyone else from the group without permission of that person." Your guidelines are excellent and I'm sure those involved in your sessions leave feeling more secure and able to cope with getting through till the next time.
Oh Jeanie, I just love this work you've done in supporting middle school students. More than ever this is such a fragile age, forced to grow up far too soon, exposed to the underbelly of life thanks to the damaging presence of the online world. I'm with you on teaching kids the importance of confidentiality ... this sure is the foundation for them feeling safe and building trust.
Thanks for taking us there this morning. I'm so grateful you've shared your experience.
A very timely post as we enter the dark season and raise awareness in suicide prevention month. Thank you for sharing these wise, guiding principles gleaned from your rich experiences, Linda.
Laura, thank you for your work in suicide prevention. You not only have the skill set but a tremendously sensitive, beautiful heart that allows you to be fully aware and present to those around you. I applaud your work.
Thank you, friend. Likewise!